Go for the Gut Feeling

Our neighbor’s dog had puppies about 10 weeks ago. While she was familiar with us, her body language (and her sudden, deliberate bump against my daughter’s nose when she got too close to the newborn pups) told me that protecting her puppies was her priority and that she would not allow any possibility of a threat to their safety. She wanted us to get away from her babies. I can relate to that.

We humans have suppressed what I believe is a God-given parental instinct to protect our children at all costs.

In our family, our boundaries for our children have undoubtedly been misinterpreted over the years. I imagine some would-be friendships have been squelched by our rules. I learned real quickly, though, that I must make no assumptions about another family’s protection of my children.

For instance, my oldest daughter, in the 3rd grade, was invited to see “Monsters Inc.” with her friend’s family on a Friday night. I learned the next morning that the girl’s parents went to see a movie in a different theater, leaving our 8-year-olds unattended. We had spent time with this family at other events, and the issue of supervision was one base I had not thought I needed to cover.

My mind reeled with this information. What if one or both of the girls had gone to use the restroom during the movie and not returned? What else could have happened to them there? Who would have noticed?

That same girl’s mother invited my daughter to come over after school and I said that would be okay. Then she added that the girls would not be alone since her teenage son would be there with them until she got home from work around 5:30 that evening.

Big, giant red flag for me.

A teenage boy in charge of my 8-year-old daughter for two hours? Absolutely not! I gently changed my answer to, “How about on a weekend, then, when you are home from work; or, your daughter can come to our house?”

Well, that “play date” never happened. In fact, our daughters never really hung out after that. The mother must have been offended by my boundaries.

I make no apologies.

I am learning, especially since becoming a parent, that second thoughts and gut feelings are more significant than most of us realize. Humans are so good at ignoring our instincts that we don’t rationalize doubts or second thoughts anymore. They are there, but too many of us don’t even notice them.

It is our nature and our responsibility to be the sentinel for our children. Sometimes that means relationships have to change, whether temporarily (as in our neighbor’s dog, who warned us to get away, then warmed up to us again after her puppies aged a few weeks), or permanently (doing away with toxic relationships/influences that seek to harm our young). We must be okay with that.

If the short term inconvenience of drawing and enforcing boundary lines yields a lifelong feeling of security and acceptance for our children, I’m in.