I've been blogging on another site (for now) --- http://alexawrites.wordpress.com.
I don't see myself getting rid of this one, so keep checking back. : )
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Friday, August 3, 2007
Go for the Gut Feeling
Our neighbor’s dog had puppies about 10 weeks ago. While she was familiar with us, her body language (and her sudden, deliberate bump against my daughter’s nose when she got too close to the newborn pups) told me that protecting her puppies was her priority and that she would not allow any possibility of a threat to their safety. She wanted us to get away from her babies. I can relate to that.
We humans have suppressed what I believe is a God-given parental instinct to protect our children at all costs.
In our family, our boundaries for our children have undoubtedly been misinterpreted over the years. I imagine some would-be friendships have been squelched by our rules. I learned real quickly, though, that I must make no assumptions about another family’s protection of my children.
For instance, my oldest daughter, in the 3rd grade, was invited to see “Monsters Inc.” with her friend’s family on a Friday night. I learned the next morning that the girl’s parents went to see a movie in a different theater, leaving our 8-year-olds unattended. We had spent time with this family at other events, and the issue of supervision was one base I had not thought I needed to cover.
My mind reeled with this information. What if one or both of the girls had gone to use the restroom during the movie and not returned? What else could have happened to them there? Who would have noticed?
That same girl’s mother invited my daughter to come over after school and I said that would be okay. Then she added that the girls would not be alone since her teenage son would be there with them until she got home from work around 5:30 that evening.
Big, giant red flag for me.
A teenage boy in charge of my 8-year-old daughter for two hours? Absolutely not! I gently changed my answer to, “How about on a weekend, then, when you are home from work; or, your daughter can come to our house?”
Well, that “play date” never happened. In fact, our daughters never really hung out after that. The mother must have been offended by my boundaries.
I make no apologies.
I am learning, especially since becoming a parent, that second thoughts and gut feelings are more significant than most of us realize. Humans are so good at ignoring our instincts that we don’t rationalize doubts or second thoughts anymore. They are there, but too many of us don’t even notice them.
It is our nature and our responsibility to be the sentinel for our children. Sometimes that means relationships have to change, whether temporarily (as in our neighbor’s dog, who warned us to get away, then warmed up to us again after her puppies aged a few weeks), or permanently (doing away with toxic relationships/influences that seek to harm our young). We must be okay with that.
If the short term inconvenience of drawing and enforcing boundary lines yields a lifelong feeling of security and acceptance for our children, I’m in.
We humans have suppressed what I believe is a God-given parental instinct to protect our children at all costs.
In our family, our boundaries for our children have undoubtedly been misinterpreted over the years. I imagine some would-be friendships have been squelched by our rules. I learned real quickly, though, that I must make no assumptions about another family’s protection of my children.
For instance, my oldest daughter, in the 3rd grade, was invited to see “Monsters Inc.” with her friend’s family on a Friday night. I learned the next morning that the girl’s parents went to see a movie in a different theater, leaving our 8-year-olds unattended. We had spent time with this family at other events, and the issue of supervision was one base I had not thought I needed to cover.
My mind reeled with this information. What if one or both of the girls had gone to use the restroom during the movie and not returned? What else could have happened to them there? Who would have noticed?
That same girl’s mother invited my daughter to come over after school and I said that would be okay. Then she added that the girls would not be alone since her teenage son would be there with them until she got home from work around 5:30 that evening.
Big, giant red flag for me.
A teenage boy in charge of my 8-year-old daughter for two hours? Absolutely not! I gently changed my answer to, “How about on a weekend, then, when you are home from work; or, your daughter can come to our house?”
Well, that “play date” never happened. In fact, our daughters never really hung out after that. The mother must have been offended by my boundaries.
I make no apologies.
I am learning, especially since becoming a parent, that second thoughts and gut feelings are more significant than most of us realize. Humans are so good at ignoring our instincts that we don’t rationalize doubts or second thoughts anymore. They are there, but too many of us don’t even notice them.
It is our nature and our responsibility to be the sentinel for our children. Sometimes that means relationships have to change, whether temporarily (as in our neighbor’s dog, who warned us to get away, then warmed up to us again after her puppies aged a few weeks), or permanently (doing away with toxic relationships/influences that seek to harm our young). We must be okay with that.
If the short term inconvenience of drawing and enforcing boundary lines yields a lifelong feeling of security and acceptance for our children, I’m in.
UPDATE to PSE blog entry of Aug. 1
King5 news announced tonight that Washington State regulators have approved another rate increase, to be effective September 1. The last rate increase was June 6. Does anyone else have a problem with the repeated, frequent rate hikes?http://www.king5.com/business/stories/NW_080207BUB_pse_rate_hike_KC.d90b4bba.html
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Apathy in Customer Care: That's PSE
Every few months we see our power bills increase. I’m supposed to trust that these increases are entirely necessary. What I saw yesterday gives me doubts.
When I walked into my local Puget Sound Energy office to pay my bill, I was relieved to see that only one person was there before me and that two more customer service representatives were available to help the next customer.
Well, kind of.
As I stood waiting to be invited to a window for service, the other two gals were engaged in a hairstyling moment: one sat in her chair --- in her customer service window, mind you --- while the other appeared to be either removing or placing the first gal’s hair extensions. Two more PSE customers entered the lobby behind me; neither of the customer service reps acknowledged that any customers stood awaiting service.
I muttered, “Are they kidding?” to the two others who looked at disbelief at what these two ladies were being paid to do. Three representatives, three open windows, one working rep.
The rep who was “doing” the hair of her co-worker gestured to her designated window after a couple of minutes and told me, “I can help you over there,” Then she continued working on her co-worker’s hair.
I doubted that she would actually finish her little project before the working representative’s window would become available. When she finally attended to her window, she was unapologetic and simply took my payment. Certainly, she does not answer to me, but even a lighthearted joke on her part would have hinted to me that at least she realized how ridiculously unprofessional it was.
This was absolutely careless. Do these ladies know how this display looked to us customers? Couldn’t they do this on a break, or at the very least, style hair in an area away from the customer service windows? And where was their supervisor?
What I saw makes me wonder: “If such conduct is acceptable in plain view of their customers, what has ‘customer service’ become?”
This is not a mountain; it really is just a molehill. Had I simply dropped my payment in the drop box as I normally do, I would not have seen the disregard these reps had for customer care. So really, what difference does it make?
Well, just one: now each month when I pay my bill, rate increases and all, I will wonder whether the higher rates are justified, or whether they are simply paying the wages of some customer service representatives who just don’t get it.
When I walked into my local Puget Sound Energy office to pay my bill, I was relieved to see that only one person was there before me and that two more customer service representatives were available to help the next customer.
Well, kind of.
As I stood waiting to be invited to a window for service, the other two gals were engaged in a hairstyling moment: one sat in her chair --- in her customer service window, mind you --- while the other appeared to be either removing or placing the first gal’s hair extensions. Two more PSE customers entered the lobby behind me; neither of the customer service reps acknowledged that any customers stood awaiting service.
I muttered, “Are they kidding?” to the two others who looked at disbelief at what these two ladies were being paid to do. Three representatives, three open windows, one working rep.
The rep who was “doing” the hair of her co-worker gestured to her designated window after a couple of minutes and told me, “I can help you over there,” Then she continued working on her co-worker’s hair.
I doubted that she would actually finish her little project before the working representative’s window would become available. When she finally attended to her window, she was unapologetic and simply took my payment. Certainly, she does not answer to me, but even a lighthearted joke on her part would have hinted to me that at least she realized how ridiculously unprofessional it was.
This was absolutely careless. Do these ladies know how this display looked to us customers? Couldn’t they do this on a break, or at the very least, style hair in an area away from the customer service windows? And where was their supervisor?
What I saw makes me wonder: “If such conduct is acceptable in plain view of their customers, what has ‘customer service’ become?”
This is not a mountain; it really is just a molehill. Had I simply dropped my payment in the drop box as I normally do, I would not have seen the disregard these reps had for customer care. So really, what difference does it make?
Well, just one: now each month when I pay my bill, rate increases and all, I will wonder whether the higher rates are justified, or whether they are simply paying the wages of some customer service representatives who just don’t get it.
"Leash" is not a Fighting Word!
Okay, so I’m reading this news story today about a 1-year-old who was mauled by a neighbor’s dogs (between 5 and 7 of them) as the boy was walking to his parents’ house from his grandparents’ house.
The whole dog owner debate is such a hot one and I hate to enter into it since dog owners can be so defensive about it.
Hear me out, here. I speak as someone who has a decent amount of experience in dog ownership.
We had many dogs throughout my childhood. Now that I think about it, we had quite a few, but none for very long. No, not all at the same time; my dad would “get rid” of a dog when he was tired of it for one reason or another, which usually meant he took it to a distant field and let it go free.
Fast-forward to my last year in high school, when my dad got this great dog. She was so smart. Not that the breed matters, but she was a Rottweiler-Shepherd mix that loved to play hide and seek with me, pull the squeakers out of her toys before playing fetch with them, and she was so full of affection.
I moved out and got my own dog….an Akita. When he was a year old and 70 pounds, the veterinarian said he was "the biggest lap-dog" he had ever seen. He apparently did not like to be alone, so when I’d get home from my classes on campus or from work, he’d have dug a new hole under the fence and was running through the neighborhood to play with the kids (he had been neutered, so I know it wasn't about neighborhood dogs in heat).
Once I found him I would try to catch him, telling people “Don’t run! He just wants to play, and I can’t catch him if he’s chasing you.” I admit, I was overly confident in my dog’s ability to reason like a human. He was being a dog, whatever that meant at that moment for him, and it wasn't his fault.
That was very irresponsible of me. I didn’t realize how terrifying it must have been to see a 70-pound Akita running through neighborhood around kids riding their bikes or playing ball. They didn’t know my dog was a big softie. More importantly, I failed to recognize the possibility that he could actually hurt somebody.
I took action: I lay cement under my fence so he couldn’t dig out anymore. And he didn’t. I lay the cement for the wrong reason, though: I simply didn’t want him to get hit by a car. I still hadn’t realized my neighbors' feelings of safety were more important. I eventually gave him away so he could have a bigger yard to run in.
Well, a few years later I started having children. Although my husband had been her favorite person for three years and I had been her buddy for five, my dad’s Rottweiler-Shepherd mix (then 85 pounds) began to show a side of her I never expected: she was very, very unpredictable and would sometimes snap at our kids’ faces. Our two young children were maybe too unsteady on their feet yet, maybe too clumsy or loved hugging her too much (she loved hugs!), or maybe she was jealous. Yet, when we were in the swimming pool, she would jump in and swim around us to make sure we all -- including the kids -- were safe. These extremes in her behavior became concerning to me, and my eyes were opened: dogs will be dogs, and our young children do not have a fighting chance against her if she suddenly turns on them.
Animals have always been very special to me. A pet owner can best demonstrate love for the animal by being a responsible pet owner. Responsible pet ownership benefits everyone: the owners, the pets, and the people they encounter. Why would anybody have a problem with that?
The whole dog owner debate is such a hot one and I hate to enter into it since dog owners can be so defensive about it.
Hear me out, here. I speak as someone who has a decent amount of experience in dog ownership.
We had many dogs throughout my childhood. Now that I think about it, we had quite a few, but none for very long. No, not all at the same time; my dad would “get rid” of a dog when he was tired of it for one reason or another, which usually meant he took it to a distant field and let it go free.
Fast-forward to my last year in high school, when my dad got this great dog. She was so smart. Not that the breed matters, but she was a Rottweiler-Shepherd mix that loved to play hide and seek with me, pull the squeakers out of her toys before playing fetch with them, and she was so full of affection.
I moved out and got my own dog….an Akita. When he was a year old and 70 pounds, the veterinarian said he was "the biggest lap-dog" he had ever seen. He apparently did not like to be alone, so when I’d get home from my classes on campus or from work, he’d have dug a new hole under the fence and was running through the neighborhood to play with the kids (he had been neutered, so I know it wasn't about neighborhood dogs in heat).
Once I found him I would try to catch him, telling people “Don’t run! He just wants to play, and I can’t catch him if he’s chasing you.” I admit, I was overly confident in my dog’s ability to reason like a human. He was being a dog, whatever that meant at that moment for him, and it wasn't his fault.
That was very irresponsible of me. I didn’t realize how terrifying it must have been to see a 70-pound Akita running through neighborhood around kids riding their bikes or playing ball. They didn’t know my dog was a big softie. More importantly, I failed to recognize the possibility that he could actually hurt somebody.
I took action: I lay cement under my fence so he couldn’t dig out anymore. And he didn’t. I lay the cement for the wrong reason, though: I simply didn’t want him to get hit by a car. I still hadn’t realized my neighbors' feelings of safety were more important. I eventually gave him away so he could have a bigger yard to run in.
Well, a few years later I started having children. Although my husband had been her favorite person for three years and I had been her buddy for five, my dad’s Rottweiler-Shepherd mix (then 85 pounds) began to show a side of her I never expected: she was very, very unpredictable and would sometimes snap at our kids’ faces. Our two young children were maybe too unsteady on their feet yet, maybe too clumsy or loved hugging her too much (she loved hugs!), or maybe she was jealous. Yet, when we were in the swimming pool, she would jump in and swim around us to make sure we all -- including the kids -- were safe. These extremes in her behavior became concerning to me, and my eyes were opened: dogs will be dogs, and our young children do not have a fighting chance against her if she suddenly turns on them.
Animals have always been very special to me. A pet owner can best demonstrate love for the animal by being a responsible pet owner. Responsible pet ownership benefits everyone: the owners, the pets, and the people they encounter. Why would anybody have a problem with that?
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Change is Good
My wonderful mom is a bit on the eccentric side --- not pretentious, just creative and unabashedly unique. She was not afraid to use her creativity in naming her daughters. Some of us have out-of-the-ordinary names that reflect the part of our heritage that is European; others of us, well, she just made up our names.
Well, I've decided recently to change my name (the name of my blog is based on it), which has confused some people. One of my sisters tells me regularly, "I'm seriously having issues about you changing your name!" I get that. I do. She and I are very close in age and spent our younger years doing everything together. We were each other's only friends until the end of elementary school. Our identities were intertwined; most of our good childhood memories are of each other and not much else.
Nevertheless, this "Darling Daughter #5," as my mother so affectionately introduces me, is changing to a new name that is immensely significant to me. I could never explain this in a way that would make sense to anyone else; I don't really feel like I need to.
Thankfully, my husband and my children support me in this. I couldn't ask for more.
I'll always be my mom's "DD#5" and my younger sister's buddy; I'll always be the woman my husband married and the mother my kids have always known.
I'm still me, only with a different name.
Well, I've decided recently to change my name (the name of my blog is based on it), which has confused some people. One of my sisters tells me regularly, "I'm seriously having issues about you changing your name!" I get that. I do. She and I are very close in age and spent our younger years doing everything together. We were each other's only friends until the end of elementary school. Our identities were intertwined; most of our good childhood memories are of each other and not much else.
Nevertheless, this "Darling Daughter #5," as my mother so affectionately introduces me, is changing to a new name that is immensely significant to me. I could never explain this in a way that would make sense to anyone else; I don't really feel like I need to.
Thankfully, my husband and my children support me in this. I couldn't ask for more.
I'll always be my mom's "DD#5" and my younger sister's buddy; I'll always be the woman my husband married and the mother my kids have always known.
I'm still me, only with a different name.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Too Busy to Care
It is so insulting when someone apologizes for blowing it on a commitment and adds, "I've just been really busy."
We say "I've just been so busy" rather mindlessly, not realizing what it actually communicates to others.
Because the statement fails to acknowledge that other people also have busy lives, to me it says things like:
-- "I believe that I'm busier than you could ever be; I'm actually arrogant enough to believe that."
-- "I'm so busy I can't even comprehend that others must have busy lives, too."
-- "You are not as important as my schedule."
-- "I'm too busy to consider how important this is to you when I make a commitment."
The statement's use in this context must have been awakened in me after hearing a sermon about it. Since that day nearly a decade ago, I try very hard to remember that I am not uniquely busy and therefore must not use my own "busyness" as an excuse for irresponsibility. I certainly don't want to communicate to people that my schedule matters more than theirs does.
We say "I've just been so busy" rather mindlessly, not realizing what it actually communicates to others.
Because the statement fails to acknowledge that other people also have busy lives, to me it says things like:
-- "I believe that I'm busier than you could ever be; I'm actually arrogant enough to believe that."
-- "I'm so busy I can't even comprehend that others must have busy lives, too."
-- "You are not as important as my schedule."
-- "I'm too busy to consider how important this is to you when I make a commitment."
The statement's use in this context must have been awakened in me after hearing a sermon about it. Since that day nearly a decade ago, I try very hard to remember that I am not uniquely busy and therefore must not use my own "busyness" as an excuse for irresponsibility. I certainly don't want to communicate to people that my schedule matters more than theirs does.
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